Well, after like 6 months of total absence from this blog, I'm back!
I think any pretence that these blogs will continue as a film studies assignment has died. Not just died...it's collapsed, had a stroke, been run over by a car, gotten up again, been pelted with sweets by year nine chavs, then fallen down again, accidently set on fire, then covered and buried in tarmac, and it's soul is now wandering around purgatory because it didn't receive it's proper burial rights.
Hurm.
Well the fact is I quite enjoyed making these short-lived blogs, so I'm going to continue, even if it isn't all strictly about film studies. Or film at all. And also, I just think the URL i picked is too darn cool to waste, frankly.
God knows who will ever actually read this rubbish.
Quite a lot on atm. University questions are still buzzing around my brain all the time...and it is becoming increasingly frustrating that the only university I haven't heard from yet is my favourite! Yay! I'm not panicking! Much!
As ever, drama dominates my life, it seems. About to start rehearsals for 'the Crucible', which i have a feeling is either going to be a) really really fun or b) an absolute nightmare. One of the two haha.
And the latest Jay'C production, A Slice of Saturday Night, is also soon, mid-April. Very much looking forward to it...have a feeling this is going to be one of the best shows we've ever done. It better be, as it'll be one of my last :'-( So ought to start rustling up potential audience members to come see it. *hint*
Well I'll hopefully write again soon. NOT that anyone's reading this :D
Toodles. x
Saturday, 28 February 2009
Monday, 28 July 2008
Back to the Future: Bitesized!
Okay, so this is the geekiest thing ever, but I was bored, contemplated doing a reveiw and thought, Hey, I'm only gonna take the mickey out of it anyway, I'll just do a straight off parody.
Judge me if you like, but the way most teenagers cure their boredom is by sitting at their computer desk, on facebook/myspace, staring into the middle distance and thinking that they have nothing to do because no one has commented them in twenty minutes. How thrilling! Writing this blog may be dorky, but atleast it's half productive.
So I saw 'Back to the Future' the first time at Rachel's house a few weeks ago, at Dan's insistance, and LOVED it. It's so bad, but so good. And I should point out before I insult it blantantly how much I really enjoyed it, and that I just like to take the mickey out of films I like. It's just what I do. So don't be misled into thinking that i didn't like it. I did.
So here you have it, a Total Film-inspired abridged Back to the Future script, except Total Film have probably already done one and I'd wager that it's better than mine.
Enjoy! Note: This WON'T seem funny if you havent seen the movies. And probably won't even if you have.
Toodles x
---------------
Back to the Future: The Abridged Script
OPENING TITLES
Welcome to ‘Back to the Future’, maybe one of the only good movies to come from Stephen Spielberg. And I promise, there will be absolutely NO sequels. Absolutely none. Pinky swear.
MARTY
Hello! I am just your average teen. Average is my middle name. God, I’m so average! And like any normal run-of-the-mill average teen, I have an aged scientist friend, who is not connected to my family, school or circle of friends. And yet there are no raised eyebrows about this friendship. Ah well.
HUEY LOUIS AND THE NEWS
Just in case future audiences are in any doubt that this is set in the eighties, here, have a song.
JENNIFER
Hello! I am a plot point. No wait…except I’m not really in the plot…in any of the movies. In fact… Why am I here?
MARTY
To represent how average I am.
JENNIFER
Oh, yes, that’s right.
LORRAINE
Hey honey, here’s your dinner, meatloaf with a side of foreshadowing!
GEORGE
*is a dork*
MARTY
Hey, what’s up, doc?
DOC
Hey Marty, check out this time machine – a DeLorian with a flux capacitor! It works! Here, check out me killing my dog. It’s okay, he’s only here to be cute and pointless anyway.
EINSTEIN THE DOG
Don’t worry, you can’t kill a dog in a PG, I’m okay.
DOC
But you can coat them with ice.
MARTY
Awesome. Oh shit, some terrorists.
LIBYANS
If this movie was made fifteen years later, we would be Iraqi, for sure. Or working for Osama Bin Laden, at least.
DOC
Flux off you bastards!
LIBYANS
No! I don’t much care for your language. This is a family film after all.
DOC
*dies*
MARTY
*flees back thirty years* Oh I get it…I go back to 1955, comedy ensues. What a clever film. *Hides car in a totally brilliant hiding place. Not.*
YOUNG GEORGE
*is still a dork. And a pervert too, apparently*
MARTY
Hey look, my dad is about to get hit by my grandpa in his car. Wait, didn’t mom foreshadow earlier that her and dad had met because of an incident remarkably similar to this? *Doesn’t put two and two together* Ah well, I better step in and screw up history. *is knocked unconscious*
YOUNG LORRAINE
Wakey wakey, Marty, you’ve got an Oedipus complex to develop. By the way, you’d better familiarise yourself with this scene, Marty. It’s going to be referenced in the next two sequels.
MARTY
What shall I do? I’ll just sit in my underpants, panic, and make a million cultural references to 1980’s culture, giving everyone clues about the future. As if I hadn’t fucked up the space-time continuum enough.
YOUNG BIFF
Hey! You! I am an archetypal school bully! Do. Not. Mess. With. Me. Punk!
YOUNG DOC
*is EXACTLY THE SAME*
MARTY
It’s fine, George, I can fix time, all I have to do is come on to my mom, she’ll protest, then you can beat me up and win her heart.
YOUNG GEORGE
Apparently you weren’t counting on Lorraine being a total slut.
YOUNG LORRAINE
Marty! Hey baby! Me love you long time!
MARTY
Oh god. Can my voice get any squeakier?
YOUNG BIFF
I’m crashing this party! Now make like a banana and piss off!
YOUNG GEORGE
Uh…excuse me…sir, I must request that you unhand this fair maiden.
YOUNG LORRAINE
Just smack him one four-eyes!
YOUNG GEORGE
*does so* Hey Marty, thanks for your help, I’m gonna get some tonight!
YOUNG DOC
Hey Marty, come over here, I’ve fixed the DeLorian! Listen, is it just me, or is anyone starting to see the resemblance between me and David Tennant in Doctor Who?
MARTY
Uh…It’s just you. Honest.
YOUNG DOC
Thank God for that! *sends Marty back to 1985*
DOC (1985 version)
Hooray, Marty! I’m not dead thanks to your meddling! You’re not a total jackass after all!
MARTY
Yay! Now I can be reunited with my drippy girlfriend!
LORRAINE & GEORGE
Yay! We’re hip now! All because of Marty’s meddling! Lets do something crazy, like go white water rafting or do some drugs!
MARTY
So…the fact that I grew up with incredibly altered parents didn’t affect my own personality at all or cause any differences to my life?
LORRAINE & GEORGE
That’s right! Who wants to go abseiling?
DOC
Hey, Marty! I’m back from the future!
AUDIENCE
Ooh, title reference!
DOC
Marty, I need your help with this ambiguous ending! And for some reason, I give a crap about your future kids! Get in the car, quick!
MARTY
The movie’s almost over! Quick, somebody say something kick-ass!
DOC
Where we’re going, you don’t need roads.
MARTY
*stares* I am so hot for you right now.
Part II
OPENING TITLES
Okay, we lied. There was a sequel. But absolutely just this one! And then the one after that. But that’s it! Honest! Promise. *pause* Oh come on! It’s a Spielberg! What did you expect?
CRISPIN GLOVER
*isn’t there*
MARTY
Wait, so I marry my high school girlfriend in the future? Why, as a teenage boy, am I not more freaked out by this? I wanna play the field! Does everyone in this town marry the person they dated in high school?
DOC
Everyone apart from me, apparently. Which reminds me…*shoots JENNIFER with a laser*
MARTY
What was that?
DOC
That was my ‘Cop-out-atron’! Now help me hide your girlfriend in the trash where she belongs.
MARTY
Nice to see that thirty years in the future, Hill Valley still only consists of one town square. Thrilling.
MARTY JNR
Gee whizz! I’m squeakier than ever!
BIFF JNR
Hey McFly…you’re an asshole.
MARTY
Ha, whatever.
BIFF JNR
You’re a jerk!
MARTY
Sticks and stones…
BIFF JNR
You’re a dick!
MARTY
Names wont offend me, bro.
BIFF JNR
You’re *dun dun duuuunnnn!* A CHICKEN!
MARTY
*turns into the hulk* RRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHOWDAREYOUWHATAHORRIBLETHINGTOSAY!!!!
DOC
Once again Marty, your irresponsible meddling has actually done some good. Wonders never cease, I guess.
MARTY
In that case, I might as well take this book of sports statistics and become rich.
DOC
No! How dare you try and help yourself and your family! Don’t you realise what you have done? You have created a plot point that will cause trouble for at least two sequels!
STEPHEN SPIELBERG
*sitting on a couch made of money* Oh yeah!
DOC
Anyone who gambles like that, Marty, must be morally corrupt and stereotypically mean!
BIFF
Did someone call for me? *takes book to 1955*
MARTY
*goes back to 1985* Well I think I’ve made enough extra cameos as every single one of my relatives, my idiot girlfriend has passed out, what now?
DOC
Leave her on that bench and go home. That seems to be the sensible option.
MARTY
Wait, my house appears to have been taken over by stereotypical African American stereotypes.
AFRICAN AMERICAN STEREOTYPE
Watchoo doin fool? Get on outta ma house, honky.
MARTY
What the hell is going on here?
BIFF (rich version)
Hey Marty, you know your worst nightmare?
MARTY
That you killed my dad and married my mom, started a casino and sent me to boarding school?
BIFF
Well, uh, this is it. Ta-da!
MARTY
Oh I see now, thanks. OH MY GOOOODDDDDD!!!!!
LORRAINE (cosmetic surgery version)
Sorry Marty, when your dad mysteriously died I married Biff right away, because I’m just that much of a bitch.
MARTY
Right, I’m gonna go back in time and try and get that book back. Easy Peasy. *goes back to…what year was it? I wanna say 1955, but lets face it, none of the audience know or care by this point*
YOUNG BIFF
What do you want old man?
OLD BIFF
Blah blah blah take this book blah blah get rich quick blah blah reference to the first movie blah blah blah joke repetition blah.
MARTY
Yay I’ve got the book! *sees other self* Blimey, am I really that much of a mug?
DOC
Yes. Now wait outside while I’m transported back in time so that we have material for the next sequel. *convenient lightning storm evaporates DeLorian*
WESTERN UNION GUY
Hello, I appear to be a film noire stereotype. Here’s a letter.
LETTER FROM DOC
Dear Marty, by an infuriating plot twist, I am trapped in the old West. Why? I guess Universal had a disused set and wouldn’t pay out for anything more interesting. You must not attempt to save me, by which I mean you absolutely have to. Now go and find the 1955 version of me so that you have something to do for the first twenty minutes of the third film.
Part III
OPENING TITLES
Last one, okay? Absolutely positively the last one. Honest. Until the reboot in 2010 anyway mwahaha…I mean, uh, nothing. There’ll be no reboot.
MARTY
(waking up) Doc…maybe we should kiss…just to break the tension…
DOC
Shut up and listen to my scientific gibberish.
MARTY
No, you shut up and listen to my rambling back-story.
AUDIENCE
How about you all shut up and get into the plot already?
MARTY
I promise to fulfil Doc’s wishes, and never ever travel in time.
DOC
Marty I die in the past! Go save me!
MARTY
But future you –
DOC
Don’t make me tell you again! Now about your outfit, the fancy dress store was all out of cowboys costumes so I borrowed this from the local gay bar. *sends Delorian to 1885*
SEAMUS MCFLY
Top of the morning to ye! Would ye care for a pint of Guinness? And whatever ye do meladdie, don’t ye go asking questions bout how ye great-grandmother looks like ye mother, even though any possibility of them being related would mean your family was incestuous! Pot of gold!
DOC (1885 version)
The car is out of gas?!?!? This time Marty, your meddling has really messed everything up. You are a mug. Official.
CLARA
Well Howdy sir, I sure did always have a desirin’ on the older fellers! WAY older.
MARTY
Doc! You’ve messed things up royally by falling in love with that nerd.
DOC
No, YOU’VE messed thing up by pissing off the stupidest cowboy in the west.
BIFF (ye-ha version)
Me angry! Me kill old guy and his ugly wife!
DOC
Don’t you dare say bad things about Clara!
MARTY
Uh…I think he meant me…
DOC
I’ve figured it out! We’ll attach the DeLorian to the train! You go fill some time while I sort that out.
MARTY
How?
DOC
I dunno…dunk Biff in some manure again. Worked in the first two movies.
CLARA
Don’t leave, sugar daddy! I love ya!
DOC
I don’t know if I can leave Clara, Marty.
MARTY
DON’T TALK ABOUT HER.
DOC
Don’t get jealous-
MARTY
IM NOT! SHUT UP! I don’t need you. *consoles himself by referencing eighties pop culture* ‘Billy Jean’s…not my lover…’
TYPICAL BARTENDER
Say what now?
MARTY
It’s the moonwalk.
TYPICAL BARTENDER
You better moonrun on outta here, Biff’s coming! Now order a drink so I can slide it down the bar at you!
DOC
Marty, come on! Everything’s sorted! Nothing can go wrong now!
CLARA
Wanna bet? HELP MEEEEEE
DOC
I knew this is why I lived alone. *save CLARA on hoverboard*
MARTY
*back in 1985* Yay! I’m alive! And back with my soppy girlfriend! Hooray for suburban mediocrity! Now I better destroy the flux capacitor.
TRAIN
KERSMASSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MARTY
…*blinks*…well that was easy.
DOC
Hello Marty! Thanks for all your help! I built a flux capacitor in this train! Studio must have had some money left after spending all the rest on cowboy hats and manure.
MARTY
Wait, you demanded that I destroy the Delorian, because its wrong to interfere with time, and yet built another time machine for yourself? You bastard! So you’ve just gone back on the morals that me and the audience have spent about five hours in total learning.
DOC
That’s right kiddo.
MARTY
Can’t I come?
DOC
No…you must stay here and live a life of mundane normality with your pathetic girlfriend. You cannot mess up time anymore.
MARTY
But you’re allowed to? I don’t understand!
DOC
I would stay here and discuss my own double standards, but I have to run. Clara and me have tickets for a ho-down.
MARTY
Don’t you even have any worldly advice for me?
DOC
Uh…don’t vote for Bush, and don’t go and see ‘The Happening’. Seriously.
Judge me if you like, but the way most teenagers cure their boredom is by sitting at their computer desk, on facebook/myspace, staring into the middle distance and thinking that they have nothing to do because no one has commented them in twenty minutes. How thrilling! Writing this blog may be dorky, but atleast it's half productive.
So I saw 'Back to the Future' the first time at Rachel's house a few weeks ago, at Dan's insistance, and LOVED it. It's so bad, but so good. And I should point out before I insult it blantantly how much I really enjoyed it, and that I just like to take the mickey out of films I like. It's just what I do. So don't be misled into thinking that i didn't like it. I did.
So here you have it, a Total Film-inspired abridged Back to the Future script, except Total Film have probably already done one and I'd wager that it's better than mine.
Enjoy! Note: This WON'T seem funny if you havent seen the movies. And probably won't even if you have.
Toodles x
---------------
Back to the Future: The Abridged Script
OPENING TITLES
Welcome to ‘Back to the Future’, maybe one of the only good movies to come from Stephen Spielberg. And I promise, there will be absolutely NO sequels. Absolutely none. Pinky swear.
MARTY
Hello! I am just your average teen. Average is my middle name. God, I’m so average! And like any normal run-of-the-mill average teen, I have an aged scientist friend, who is not connected to my family, school or circle of friends. And yet there are no raised eyebrows about this friendship. Ah well.
HUEY LOUIS AND THE NEWS
Just in case future audiences are in any doubt that this is set in the eighties, here, have a song.
JENNIFER
Hello! I am a plot point. No wait…except I’m not really in the plot…in any of the movies. In fact… Why am I here?
MARTY
To represent how average I am.
JENNIFER
Oh, yes, that’s right.
LORRAINE
Hey honey, here’s your dinner, meatloaf with a side of foreshadowing!
GEORGE
*is a dork*
MARTY
Hey, what’s up, doc?
DOC
Hey Marty, check out this time machine – a DeLorian with a flux capacitor! It works! Here, check out me killing my dog. It’s okay, he’s only here to be cute and pointless anyway.
EINSTEIN THE DOG
Don’t worry, you can’t kill a dog in a PG, I’m okay.
DOC
But you can coat them with ice.
MARTY
Awesome. Oh shit, some terrorists.
LIBYANS
If this movie was made fifteen years later, we would be Iraqi, for sure. Or working for Osama Bin Laden, at least.
DOC
Flux off you bastards!
LIBYANS
No! I don’t much care for your language. This is a family film after all.
DOC
*dies*
MARTY
*flees back thirty years* Oh I get it…I go back to 1955, comedy ensues. What a clever film. *Hides car in a totally brilliant hiding place. Not.*
YOUNG GEORGE
*is still a dork. And a pervert too, apparently*
MARTY
Hey look, my dad is about to get hit by my grandpa in his car. Wait, didn’t mom foreshadow earlier that her and dad had met because of an incident remarkably similar to this? *Doesn’t put two and two together* Ah well, I better step in and screw up history. *is knocked unconscious*
YOUNG LORRAINE
Wakey wakey, Marty, you’ve got an Oedipus complex to develop. By the way, you’d better familiarise yourself with this scene, Marty. It’s going to be referenced in the next two sequels.
MARTY
What shall I do? I’ll just sit in my underpants, panic, and make a million cultural references to 1980’s culture, giving everyone clues about the future. As if I hadn’t fucked up the space-time continuum enough.
YOUNG BIFF
Hey! You! I am an archetypal school bully! Do. Not. Mess. With. Me. Punk!
YOUNG DOC
*is EXACTLY THE SAME*
MARTY
It’s fine, George, I can fix time, all I have to do is come on to my mom, she’ll protest, then you can beat me up and win her heart.
YOUNG GEORGE
Apparently you weren’t counting on Lorraine being a total slut.
YOUNG LORRAINE
Marty! Hey baby! Me love you long time!
MARTY
Oh god. Can my voice get any squeakier?
YOUNG BIFF
I’m crashing this party! Now make like a banana and piss off!
YOUNG GEORGE
Uh…excuse me…sir, I must request that you unhand this fair maiden.
YOUNG LORRAINE
Just smack him one four-eyes!
YOUNG GEORGE
*does so* Hey Marty, thanks for your help, I’m gonna get some tonight!
YOUNG DOC
Hey Marty, come over here, I’ve fixed the DeLorian! Listen, is it just me, or is anyone starting to see the resemblance between me and David Tennant in Doctor Who?
MARTY
Uh…It’s just you. Honest.
YOUNG DOC
Thank God for that! *sends Marty back to 1985*
DOC (1985 version)
Hooray, Marty! I’m not dead thanks to your meddling! You’re not a total jackass after all!
MARTY
Yay! Now I can be reunited with my drippy girlfriend!
LORRAINE & GEORGE
Yay! We’re hip now! All because of Marty’s meddling! Lets do something crazy, like go white water rafting or do some drugs!
MARTY
So…the fact that I grew up with incredibly altered parents didn’t affect my own personality at all or cause any differences to my life?
LORRAINE & GEORGE
That’s right! Who wants to go abseiling?
DOC
Hey, Marty! I’m back from the future!
AUDIENCE
Ooh, title reference!
DOC
Marty, I need your help with this ambiguous ending! And for some reason, I give a crap about your future kids! Get in the car, quick!
MARTY
The movie’s almost over! Quick, somebody say something kick-ass!
DOC
Where we’re going, you don’t need roads.
MARTY
*stares* I am so hot for you right now.
Part II
OPENING TITLES
Okay, we lied. There was a sequel. But absolutely just this one! And then the one after that. But that’s it! Honest! Promise. *pause* Oh come on! It’s a Spielberg! What did you expect?
CRISPIN GLOVER
*isn’t there*
MARTY
Wait, so I marry my high school girlfriend in the future? Why, as a teenage boy, am I not more freaked out by this? I wanna play the field! Does everyone in this town marry the person they dated in high school?
DOC
Everyone apart from me, apparently. Which reminds me…*shoots JENNIFER with a laser*
MARTY
What was that?
DOC
That was my ‘Cop-out-atron’! Now help me hide your girlfriend in the trash where she belongs.
MARTY
Nice to see that thirty years in the future, Hill Valley still only consists of one town square. Thrilling.
MARTY JNR
Gee whizz! I’m squeakier than ever!
BIFF JNR
Hey McFly…you’re an asshole.
MARTY
Ha, whatever.
BIFF JNR
You’re a jerk!
MARTY
Sticks and stones…
BIFF JNR
You’re a dick!
MARTY
Names wont offend me, bro.
BIFF JNR
You’re *dun dun duuuunnnn!* A CHICKEN!
MARTY
*turns into the hulk* RRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHOWDAREYOUWHATAHORRIBLETHINGTOSAY!!!!
DOC
Once again Marty, your irresponsible meddling has actually done some good. Wonders never cease, I guess.
MARTY
In that case, I might as well take this book of sports statistics and become rich.
DOC
No! How dare you try and help yourself and your family! Don’t you realise what you have done? You have created a plot point that will cause trouble for at least two sequels!
STEPHEN SPIELBERG
*sitting on a couch made of money* Oh yeah!
DOC
Anyone who gambles like that, Marty, must be morally corrupt and stereotypically mean!
BIFF
Did someone call for me? *takes book to 1955*
MARTY
*goes back to 1985* Well I think I’ve made enough extra cameos as every single one of my relatives, my idiot girlfriend has passed out, what now?
DOC
Leave her on that bench and go home. That seems to be the sensible option.
MARTY
Wait, my house appears to have been taken over by stereotypical African American stereotypes.
AFRICAN AMERICAN STEREOTYPE
Watchoo doin fool? Get on outta ma house, honky.
MARTY
What the hell is going on here?
BIFF (rich version)
Hey Marty, you know your worst nightmare?
MARTY
That you killed my dad and married my mom, started a casino and sent me to boarding school?
BIFF
Well, uh, this is it. Ta-da!
MARTY
Oh I see now, thanks. OH MY GOOOODDDDDD!!!!!
LORRAINE (cosmetic surgery version)
Sorry Marty, when your dad mysteriously died I married Biff right away, because I’m just that much of a bitch.
MARTY
Right, I’m gonna go back in time and try and get that book back. Easy Peasy. *goes back to…what year was it? I wanna say 1955, but lets face it, none of the audience know or care by this point*
YOUNG BIFF
What do you want old man?
OLD BIFF
Blah blah blah take this book blah blah get rich quick blah blah reference to the first movie blah blah blah joke repetition blah.
MARTY
Yay I’ve got the book! *sees other self* Blimey, am I really that much of a mug?
DOC
Yes. Now wait outside while I’m transported back in time so that we have material for the next sequel. *convenient lightning storm evaporates DeLorian*
WESTERN UNION GUY
Hello, I appear to be a film noire stereotype. Here’s a letter.
LETTER FROM DOC
Dear Marty, by an infuriating plot twist, I am trapped in the old West. Why? I guess Universal had a disused set and wouldn’t pay out for anything more interesting. You must not attempt to save me, by which I mean you absolutely have to. Now go and find the 1955 version of me so that you have something to do for the first twenty minutes of the third film.
Part III
OPENING TITLES
Last one, okay? Absolutely positively the last one. Honest. Until the reboot in 2010 anyway mwahaha…I mean, uh, nothing. There’ll be no reboot.
MARTY
(waking up) Doc…maybe we should kiss…just to break the tension…
DOC
Shut up and listen to my scientific gibberish.
MARTY
No, you shut up and listen to my rambling back-story.
AUDIENCE
How about you all shut up and get into the plot already?
MARTY
I promise to fulfil Doc’s wishes, and never ever travel in time.
DOC
Marty I die in the past! Go save me!
MARTY
But future you –
DOC
Don’t make me tell you again! Now about your outfit, the fancy dress store was all out of cowboys costumes so I borrowed this from the local gay bar. *sends Delorian to 1885*
SEAMUS MCFLY
Top of the morning to ye! Would ye care for a pint of Guinness? And whatever ye do meladdie, don’t ye go asking questions bout how ye great-grandmother looks like ye mother, even though any possibility of them being related would mean your family was incestuous! Pot of gold!
DOC (1885 version)
The car is out of gas?!?!? This time Marty, your meddling has really messed everything up. You are a mug. Official.
CLARA
Well Howdy sir, I sure did always have a desirin’ on the older fellers! WAY older.
MARTY
Doc! You’ve messed things up royally by falling in love with that nerd.
DOC
No, YOU’VE messed thing up by pissing off the stupidest cowboy in the west.
BIFF (ye-ha version)
Me angry! Me kill old guy and his ugly wife!
DOC
Don’t you dare say bad things about Clara!
MARTY
Uh…I think he meant me…
DOC
I’ve figured it out! We’ll attach the DeLorian to the train! You go fill some time while I sort that out.
MARTY
How?
DOC
I dunno…dunk Biff in some manure again. Worked in the first two movies.
CLARA
Don’t leave, sugar daddy! I love ya!
DOC
I don’t know if I can leave Clara, Marty.
MARTY
DON’T TALK ABOUT HER.
DOC
Don’t get jealous-
MARTY
IM NOT! SHUT UP! I don’t need you. *consoles himself by referencing eighties pop culture* ‘Billy Jean’s…not my lover…’
TYPICAL BARTENDER
Say what now?
MARTY
It’s the moonwalk.
TYPICAL BARTENDER
You better moonrun on outta here, Biff’s coming! Now order a drink so I can slide it down the bar at you!
DOC
Marty, come on! Everything’s sorted! Nothing can go wrong now!
CLARA
Wanna bet? HELP MEEEEEE
DOC
I knew this is why I lived alone. *save CLARA on hoverboard*
MARTY
*back in 1985* Yay! I’m alive! And back with my soppy girlfriend! Hooray for suburban mediocrity! Now I better destroy the flux capacitor.
TRAIN
KERSMASSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
MARTY
…*blinks*…well that was easy.
DOC
Hello Marty! Thanks for all your help! I built a flux capacitor in this train! Studio must have had some money left after spending all the rest on cowboy hats and manure.
MARTY
Wait, you demanded that I destroy the Delorian, because its wrong to interfere with time, and yet built another time machine for yourself? You bastard! So you’ve just gone back on the morals that me and the audience have spent about five hours in total learning.
DOC
That’s right kiddo.
MARTY
Can’t I come?
DOC
No…you must stay here and live a life of mundane normality with your pathetic girlfriend. You cannot mess up time anymore.
MARTY
But you’re allowed to? I don’t understand!
DOC
I would stay here and discuss my own double standards, but I have to run. Clara and me have tickets for a ho-down.
MARTY
Don’t you even have any worldly advice for me?
DOC
Uh…don’t vote for Bush, and don’t go and see ‘The Happening’. Seriously.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
That's For Sure - Shank!
Here, a truely remarkable parody of one of my favourite films - 'The Shawshank Redemption'. And to those of you who say you cannot take the mickey out of a film you enjoy...you have clearly never taken film studies A-Level.
Enjoy
P.S. Something sensible will appear here soon. Promise!
P.P.S. Matt wanted to post this too but I beat him! OH YES I DID GIRLFRIEND!
Enjoy
P.S. Something sensible will appear here soon. Promise!
P.P.S. Matt wanted to post this too but I beat him! OH YES I DID GIRLFRIEND!
Monday, 14 July 2008
My Neo-Post (haha)
Hello all!
Well yes I am another annoying film student cursed to do a blog by the formidible Dutaut! Hurrah! Well it's okay actually as I like being able to ramble about my opinions into cyberspace, much to any readers dismay I'm sure.
Phwaor, if I were fifty years older!
Well yes I am another annoying film student cursed to do a blog by the formidible Dutaut! Hurrah! Well it's okay actually as I like being able to ramble about my opinions into cyberspace, much to any readers dismay I'm sure.
Well I will do a proper review at some point in the near/very far future, but until then, here's the genius to whom I owe my blog name. Well, him and whoever actually wrote that classic line for 'Shaun of the Dead', but lets not worry about him. Sorry Edgar/Simon.
Bill Nighy, everybody!
Phwaor, if I were fifty years older!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
